Dear Funny Bunny: Sex Toy Party
Dear Funny Bunny,
I was reading one of your stories, and it made me think about a funny, sort of sex-related story of my own and wanted to share. Years ago, when my son was still a toddler, I was entertaining some girlfriends on a Saturday afternoon. It was when sex-toy parties were all the rage, and we all thought we could make a few extra bucks. I was always looking for ways to bring home the bacon, and what better than sex toys!
So I had about eight gals over, and we were snacking on finger foods and sipping champagne. My son Timmy was about 3 years old at the time. My husband had agreed to keep him in our bedroom so we could enjoy a fun afternoon of giggling and exploring new toys.
The woman running the sex-toy party Trisha was a lovely, older gal who had a great sense of humor and really put my friends at ease. Many of them had never used a sex toy, so it was quite the education for them. Personally, I was shocked that they were so conservative and hadn't even tried them. In fact, I had one friend, Sarah, who had never even given her husband a blow job! Which made me wonder why he married her in the first place, but that's another story.
I enjoyed sex toys from an early age, having had my first orgasm when I was 16 but didn't discover toys until I was 19. Now at 26, I felt like an expert! Especially compared to Sarah.
I pulled the drapes to avoid my overly nosy neighbors and got the party started. Trisha showcased a plethora of different toys; vibrators, dildos, dongs, anal trainers, sucking machines, blindfolds, handcuffs, and special furniture. Who knew they made special sex furniture? And I'm not talking about sex swings; I'm talking wedge pillows, sex tables; it was quite enlightening!
There were lubes, gag gifts, games, and lingerie. It was like Christmas for adults! About an hour into the festivities, we were passing around a rabbit vibrator and testing it on our fingers when, from across the room, I see my son wandering into the living room. I shout for my husband, who, unbeknownst to me, had taken a bathroom break. Just long enough for my son to escape the bedroom prison.
As I started to cross the living room to intercept my sweet little boy, I noticed that he was dragging something behind him, but I couldn't see what it was. It looked like an extension cord or something, but I couldn't make it out. Just about when he made it to the middle of the living room, with all my friends sitting around and Trisha standing like the teacher at the front of the class, the object comes into focus. He's dragging my old fashion plug-in vibrator by the cord. He must have found it in my room! And before I can do anything about it, everyone bursts into laughter. My son bursts into tears thinking he's done something wrong, and we continue to laugh so hard my stomach hurt.
Moments later, my husband rushes into the room, having missed most of the excitement, very apologetic. Once he realizes what happened, he was so embarrassed he took Timmy to the park, so we had the rest of the afternoon to laugh, drink more champagne and make important life decisions, like what sex toy to buy!
I never did make any extra money selling sex toys, but it sure was a fun day with a great story. That was over 30 years ago, but I remember it like it was yesterday...I wonder if Timmy remembers it!
K. Noble, Woodland, Wa.