Top 20 Funniest Penis Euphemisms
Beyond the personal nicknames men often assign to their penis, we found a bunch of pretty funny ways people refer to the male genitalia. Beyond the apparent schlong, cock, dick, pickle, package, junk, wiener, wang, dong, rod, pole, pecker, shaft, or johnson, these are our favorite penis euphemisms. In no particular order, here are our top 20 funniest penis euphemisms.
Love Piston - who doesn't want to think about their penis as the driving force behind all that thrusting and pumping its way into our top 20 funniest penis euphemisms.
Spunktrumpet: While I don't see the similarities in a penis and a trumpet, I'm sure Louis Armstrong would be proud to name his junk the spunktrumpet.
Just-In Beaver - Not to be confused with the famous performer, this is a more literal interpretation.
Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger - Another accurate description of the penis, but with flair.
Long Dong Silver - You might just be the catch of the day if the 'long' part of it is on point.
Shanecobra - According to the UrbanDictionary, this means "man with large penis" and used in a sentence, "Shanecobra hurt my vagina." Nice work, shanecobra...nice work.
Baby Maker - Accurate description, but something most people aren't thinking about at the moment.
Baloney Pony: Taking a ride on the baloney pony is a time travel trip to the '80s/'90s before vegetarians and vegans made the questionable meat unpopular.
Custard Launcher - It's impressive how accurate many of these euphemisms are!
Dipstick - Not just a tool to check your oil! Dip in and enjoy!
Fuckpole - Not to be confused with a stripper pole; your penis becomes the pole with which to fuck.
Joystick: Nothing says pleasure like joy, and using your stick properly should provide your partner with plenty of JOY.
Meat Puppet: This puppet show is definitely not kid-friendly but should provide plenty of laughs.
Pink Cigar: Yes, we all see the relevance to your partner smoking on your junk...
One-Eyed Trouser Snake: This non-poisonous breed of snake is blind but manages to find its hole.
Pork Sword - This sword isn't for killing pigs; it's meant for porking your partner.
Skin Flute: Not to be confused with a musical instrument, this skin flute prefers to be played with a partner and leave the solo to spunktrumpet.
Tube Steak: A way to use your meat to satisfy your partner, hope you get a 5-star review!
Semon Demon - Best not to use this in conjunction with baby making~
Weapon of Ass Destruction - No, we're not talking about deadly weapons; we're talking about enjoying your partner's ass.
Pocket Rocket - Not to be confused with small vibrators, we're referring to the trip you're about to take with your partner when you blast off.