10 Female Masturbation Euphemisms You Need To Use
Masturbation. You know what it is! If only ‘cause you might do so regularly — it is good for your health, after all. But you might not know it by some other terms, which vary from city to city, state to state, and country to country. All we know is that these 10 euphemisms will have you laughing. Try weaving these into conversations!
1. Ménage à Moi
While a lot of people wish they could take part in a ménage à trois, most will only experience a ménage à Moi — it’s way easier when you can take matters into your own hands! Use this euphemism if you want to bring a little French fancy to some ‘you’ time. Oui?
2. Flick the Bean
The bean? What bean? That ‘bean,’ as in your clitoris, which you might rub, stroke, or flick! Whichever way you stimulate the clit, you can still use this term.
3. Paddling the Pink Canoe
Who doesn’t want a little adventure in their life? But this term doesn’t mean that time you went out on a canoe at the lake over summer. No, this euphemism is more about exploring yourself and not the great outdoors!
4. Beating Around the Bush
When is a masturbation euphemism also a double entendre? Well, every time. So, let’s not ‘beat around the bush,’ and get right down to this particular euphemism! In a ‘polite’ conversation, ‘beating around the bush’ means to get right to the point. When it comes to masturbating, the bush refers to your pubes, whether you keep ‘em or not!
5. Polishing the Pearl
Now you know that ‘bean’ is slang for your clit, so it’s a safe bet you’ve figured out what the ‘pearl’ is in this euphemism and where you can find it. Well, we hope you (or your partner) can find it. If not, go ‘shuck’ yourself and polish that pearl!
6. Buffin’ the Muffin’
Like polishing the aforementioned ‘pearl,’ it seems that the ‘muffin’ also needs some buffin’. It might sound like a lot of work, but as another saying goes, find a job you love, and you’ll never work a day in your life again.
7. Hand-to-Gland Combat
While ‘mano a mano’ is the direct translation of ‘hand-to-hand combat’ in Spanish, we think it should be the often misquoted ‘mono e mono,’ which means one on one—as in, your hand on gland.
8. Summoning the Genie
In the heat of the moment, when you’re about to climax, your only wish might be that this moment never ends. Unfortunately, it will. But that doesn’t mean you can’t keep rubbing that ‘lamp’ and summoning the genie for another wish — you might be lucky and get more than three in a row!
9. Giving Yourself a Hand
We applaud anyone who masturbates because it’s good for your health! So, while you can give yourself a hand for doing just that, this euphemism is obviously about the act of masturbating. Well done, you.
When it comes to sex, the only time you should be self-serving is when you’re going it alone — you know, when you’re ‘paddling the pink canoe,’ or ‘polishing the pearl.’ So, make sure to spend some time pleasuring yourself — and try to use these euphemisms when you’re about to ‘dial the rotary phone’ for some private conversations!